SELF-DOUBT: Part One
Modern Archetype Series: "The Imposter"
“When we no longer know which way to go, we have come to our real journey,” Wendell Berry Our Real Work.
“Is it the things I know that are causing me pain,” meditation teacher Thomas Davis asked in a recent Sunday Morning InsightLA session I attended. In our culture, knowing and thinking have high value. Our society places an emphasis on the tangible, the intellectual, and places less importance in what is unclear. It would make sense that self-doubt is something many of us grapple with, and then feel shame experiencing it due to the expectations and cultural reliance on having things figured out.
It is possible that self-doubt is a product of our society's emphasis on perfection and capitalism’s tendency to blame individuals for the challenges they face? I often hear clients express that their doubts are hindering their ability to pursue what they truly desire and that if these doubts were to disappear, they would feel confident and qualified to pursue their goals. What if your doubt was not your fault, but of our culture’s expectations?
As Saga Blane mentioned in one of her newsletters, self-doubt could be seen as a "requirement," suggesting that it is an integral part of the journey towards becoming who we are meant to be and doing what we are meant to do. How can we remember the importance of not knowing and exploring it is as a part of our personal and professional growth? Perhaps self-doubt is necessary step towards discovering our own path and getting comfortable with the truth of life, that part of being alive is learning to live with uncertainty.
I can personally relate to experiencing self-doubt. When I started my career as a therapist, I often felt inadequate and unsure of my abilities. I would ruminate after sessions, seeking guidance and validation. The truth was, I was still learning and finding my own way of practicing therapy. I came to see that second-guessing myself kept me humble and pushed me to become comfortable with uncertainty. Depth and Jungian therapy teach the importance of embracing the unknown, as once we have all the answers, our imagination and creativity can be stifled. This raises the question of how we can find comfort in not knowing, while navigating our personal journeys and trusting in ourselves. Wendell Berry's quote "when we no longer know what to do, we may come to the real work," speaks to the uncertainty and discomfort of not knowing. When we are with the unknown, we can propel our personal growth.
Ally Bogard, one of my favorite teachers, speaks about the continuous process of becoming. We are constantly evolving and changing, and it is during times of learning something new that we often feel the most uncomfortable. The concept of the four stages of competence - unconscious incompetence, conscious incompetence, conscious competence, and unconscious competence – outline the learning process. The stage of conscious incompetence, where one becomes aware of how much they don't know, can be particularly uncomfortable. This is where self-compassion becomes crucial, as it allows us to navigate the uncertainties, doubts, and lack of trust that arise during this phase. It is in these moments that we must place our trust in something greater than ourselves.
It is common to desire reaching a point of security and expertise in our respective fields - the therapist who feels confident and skilled, or the artist who is established and successful. However, if we skip over the stages of discomfort and doubt, we also miss out on discovering our unique way of doing things. This is where our gifts and true potential are found, hidden within the challenges of our craft, our relationships, or any other aspect of life we are navigating. Without experiencing the doubts and the unknown, we may become replicas of what we think we should be, devoid of authenticity and individuality. It is worth noting that comparing ourselves to others who seem to have it all figured out is a projection and does not accurately reflect their own doubts and struggles.
How can we learn to trust the process of becoming? How can we embrace self-doubt as a necessary step towards discovering our own path? How can we support ourselves during this journey? Can self-doubt serve as a reminder that we are on the path of uncovering our true selves? How can we find the space to explore without being overwhelmed by self-doubt? It is important to seek support and guidance while navigating this process, to find reassurance and be held in a supportive environment. Can we reframe self-doubt as a means of self-unfolding, allowing us to become the authentic individuals we are meant to be in this world?
As a therapist, I approach my work with the intention of providing sufficient support while allowing clients to find their own truths. I believe that by striking the right balance of support and independence, individuals can successfully explore and overcome self-doubt. This is an essential aspect of my approach and how I believe we can effectively address the challenges posed by self-doubt.