Five Tools to Improve Communication in Relationships
Insights from a Los Angeles Relationship Therapist
Effective communication is crucial in developing a healthy relationship. Here are five tools to improve your communication, as shared by Los Angeles-based relationship therapist Julia Willinger:
1. Reflective Listening
The goal is to understand the speaker as they wish to be understood. Reflective listening involves paraphrasing what the other person is saying, showing you are actively engaged. Reflective listening is a communication technique where the listener aims to truly understand what the speaker is saying, reflecting back what they've heard in their own words. It’s all about showing empathy and making sure the speaker feels heard and understood.
For example:
o Speaker: "I'm feeling overwhelmed with work, and I don't know how to manage everything."
o Listener (reflective response): "It sounds like you're feeling really stressed and struggling to keep up with all your responsibilities."
The listener is paraphrasing the speaker's feelings, which shows they’re paying attention and trying to understand their perspective. Reflective listening helps to build rapport, defuse tension, and often leads to deeper, more meaningful conversations.
The key is to avoid jumping in with advice or judgments. Instead, focus on acknowledging their emotions and offering feedback in a non-judgmental way.
2. “I” Statements
Use “I” statements to express feelings from your own perspective rather than placing blame. This fosters goodwill and ensures communication is rooted in personal experience, not ill intent. For example, Instead of saying, "You never listen to me," which places blame, you could say,
"I feel unheard when I’m speaking, and I really need to feel like you’re paying attention."
This focuses on your feelings and needs, rather than accusing the other person, which helps prevent defensiveness and encourages more open communication.
3. Attunement
Attunement is about responding to others with empathy. Like a caring parent comforting a child in distress, it’s about recognizing emotions and offering appropriate support—not just mirroring their feelings.
4. Right Speech
Before speaking, ask: Is it true, beneficial, timely, and wanted? Using loving firmness with a kind tone ensures that your words are both helpful and considerate.
5. Mirroring
This involves matching the other person’s body language, facial expressions, and posture to build rapport. It shows empathy and helps foster a deeper connection.
By incorporating these tools into your daily conversations, you can enhance your relationships and promote better healthy communication.
Holistic Healing in LA: Ready to Begin Your Healing Journey in Your Relationships?
Healing doesn't have to feel out of reach or overwhelming. If you’ve been struggling with feeling disconnected from your partner, relationship therapy offers a gentle yet effective way to reconnect and rebuild trust within yourself and your relationship. It’s not just about managing symptoms—it’s about creating lasting transformation and strengthening the bond you share with your loved one.
Whether you're exploring somatic therapy, Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, or seeking support for anxiety, there are tailored solutions to meet your relationship’s unique needs. If anxiety is taking control, relationship therapy with Julia Willinger can help you regain balance and connection. For those dealing with past trauma, trauma-informed relationship therapy can guide you toward healing without re-experiencing painful moments.
You don’t have to navigate this journey alone. If you're ready to feel more grounded, connected, and aligned with who you truly are in your relationship, Julia Willinger is here to support you. Reach out today to schedule a consultation and start your path to a healthier, more fulfilling relationship.